Have I Got a Deal for You!!!

So I’m coming over to your house today to show you the deal of a life time!  This is going to solve your financial problems once and for all.  Let me explain.

I’m going to take your money away from you and invest it in programs that have proven not to work.  You know, just like the New Deal that FDR did.  But this is going to be the New New Deal folks.  This is different folks:

• I’m going to create 3 million new jobs.  600,000 of those are going to be government jobs that don’t provide any benefit to the economy.  The rest of the jobs created will help America so you can have smoother rides on the roads and so we can employ thousands to change light bulbs in buildings across America.  Don’t worry I’ll give that job a good title like Energy Effiency Engineer.  (Oh pay no attention to the downer Congressional Budget Office who projects continuing and rising unemployment through at least 2012.  I’m creating 3 million new jobs so who cares if the net is a loss of jobs)
• I’m going to give you a temporary tax cut of between $500 and $1000.  Yeah I know, nice of me huh.  What to do with an extra $20 dollars a week?  Well you could now afford to go back to Starbucks 5 out 7 days a week!!! I get warm and fuzzy just thinking about being able to have my Extra Hot, 3 Splenda, Non-fat, Sugar-free, Caramel Macchiato.  Oh happy days are here again.
• I’m also going to ensure that you don’t have to pay a dime for it – well right now that is.  Unfortunately I’ll have to raise your taxes like you’ve never seen before very soon.  Even then you don’t have to really worry about it because the ones who are really going to pay through the nose will be your children and grandchildren and you’ll be dead by the time they start paying so what do you care.
• I’m going to spend $800 Billion on light rail for you.  We all know how well Amtrak has done and now is the time to capitalize on that with your capital!
• I’m not going to go into the details – we’re trying to rush this through Congress and now it’s being slowed down because those pesky Wepublicans want to talk about it.  Sheesh.  But you can read all about it here – The spending debacle err the stimulus plan.

Yes I am aware that for every dollar that is spent by the Federal Government we only get $1.56 back.  I’m aware that permanent tax cuts get a better return – for every $1 dollar of a tax cut we get back $3 dollars.  I’m also aware that this program has been tried before back in the day of FDR and failed miserably.  But hey we have Hope and Change!  Come on now this is a once in a lifetime deal here.

Friend – I’m doing this for you because you deserve it.  What better way to waste, I mean invest your dollars, than with meaningless programs that have proven to NOT improve the economy!  I mean if we don’t do this now then Armaggeddon will occur!

Now I’ve got to get back to some real work – Like working on my new rick-roll video (I know my first one with the cats was pretty cool huh?)  I also have to get to work on continuing to help my boss Mr. Obama with his brand like creating ANOTHER organization (when will this guy stop with all these organizations that go nowhere?)  Any way I HAVE to help him out with his personal brand of HOPE and CHANGE.  You know it’s all about Him right?  Just wish I could have sold more copies of my book and I’m going to keep on trying – I got ANOTHER vacation coming up in February – YAY me!

Well there it is folks. Now come on – get with the program and abandon all rational thinking and common sense!

As DeTocqueville said – “The people get the government they deserve!”

HOPEfully Yours,

Madam Nancy Pelosi (NOT THAT KIND OF MADAM – MADAM as in Speaker of the House!)